LATEST ARTICLES

The new gender religion

by Wendy Dimpleman Geraldine Garza is proudly pregnant, despite not having a womb or any of the plumbing usually necessary to spawn a child. He...

Hours of video soon to equal age of Universe: Is the...

Planet Earth may reach a catastrophic tipping point soon, but it has nothing to do with climate change, according to Hungarian professor of astrophysics...

The Scarlet Letter: Chef fired over “outrageously racist” soup recipe

BELLINGHAM, WA: An award-wining chef has been fired from his job at a 4-star restaurant and dismissed from hosting a popular local TV cooking...

Dirty Robocop: Boston Dynamics suspends AtlasBlue program

Boston Dynamics announced today that its experimental robotic police force in Ft. Wayne, Indiana has been suspended due to “operational failures.” The test program deployed...

White male says minorities should only ride beasts of burden

A white male resident of Little Rock, Arkansas has sparked a storm of Twitter condemnation after proposing that racial minorities should not convey themselves...

Joe Biden found wandering naked near home

WILMINGTON, DE: Joe Biden finally made an appearance from his long seclusion last night, but not one his campaign is celebrating. Police responding to...

Conway donnybrook: mutual assault charges filed

WASHINGTON, D.C.: Police have taken George and Kellyanne Conway into protective custody after responding to another domestic disturbance call at the D.C. power couple’s...

Antifa interview: Disband the Blue!

by Harlin Dongbetter It was another sweltering, Venus-like day in humid Austin, portending another Long Hot Summer, I thought, as hundreds of George Floyd marchers...

Op-ed: The Deep State fangs of Remdesivir

R. Gordon Dalrymple Here in the palatial editorial penthouse offices of the Toast, ennui and consternation have reigned — fatigue with coronavirus and the infoglut...

New study: Trump better than baboon

DARTMOUTH: A new study by the University of Massachusetts has determined that President Trump scores far worse on intelligence and literacy than most presidents,...

ANTSOCIA: Radical Capitalist militants take to the streets

At a folk music festival in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park last weekend, Deirdre Carpenter was manning a Bernie Sanders campaign-sponsored voter registration table with her...

Gun sales plummet with spread of coronavirus

American gun retailers, hard hit in recent years by the absence of a Democratic president threatening to curtail Second Amendment rights, were hoping presidential...

Pence: Prayer will bust the socialist coronavirus

WASHINGTON: Virus czar Mike Pence at a press conference today: “Let’s get one thing straight: the novel coronavirus is, essentially, a socialist pathogen designed...

Bloomberg to mail $200 checks to remaining primary voters

NEW YORK: Following his poor delegate harvest on Super Tuesday, Michael Bloomberg will begin mailing out $200 checks next week to every registered Democratic...