LATEST ARTICLES

FBI Report: Epstein strangled himself with bare hands

NEW YORK: The FBI has released a preliminary report on the sudden death of Jeffrey Epstein in the Metropolitan Correctional Center Saturday morning, concluding...

New national holiday: Dia de los Muellertos

ALBUQUERQUE, NM: The Democratic National Committee has unilaterally declared a new national holiday, Dia de los Muellertos, to be celebrated every July 24th on...

F-35 vs. 737: Who will augur in first?

Following a public spat between their CEOs, Boeing and Lockheed-Martin will face off in a marathon endurance contest billed as the American Air Derby...

Welcome to Florida!

TAMPA, FL: A 7-month-old toddler is safe tonight after nearly being swallowed by a 12-ft. alligator, but the child’s naked trans rescuer lost her...

Roswell shocker: dying AF officer reveals alien computer files recovered from...

DAYTON, OH: A terminally ill USAF officer has revealed a long sequestered find from the Roswell UFO crash in 1947: allegedly a survey report...

Bill Clinton bares all over Lolita Express trips

CHAPPAQUA, NY: Rocked by the spotlight on his 26 documented trips aboard billionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein’s private “Lolita Express” jet, Bill Clinton held a...

Crisis in the Andes: the endangered Mummy Tardigrade

by Ferdinand Burton I was gasping for breath when the llama gobsmacked me again. Llamas are notorious spitters, and this one had taken a marked...

Nancy Pelosi mans taco stand on Tex-Mex border

LAREDO, TX: Nancy Pelosi boldy deployed on the front lines of the immigration non-crisis this morning, personally manning a “Spark of Divinity” taco stand...

Air Force One hijacking foiled, Trump romps in Moscow

MOSCOW: The dramatic hijacking of Air Force One en route to Moscow has been resolved, enabling President Trump to spend his first full day...

Hip-hop scandal: every song for last 5 years has used identical...

The music industry has been rocked by the revelation that 92% of hip-hop songs in the last five years have used the exact same...

I was raped by a Sasquatch, but now I’m in love

by Ferdinand Burton It was the 28th day of her ordeal — hopelessly lost in the rugged terrain of North Cascades National Park— and Cynthia...

A Glock in every classroom: Texas district’s radical FIRE Back program

by Harlin Dongbetter A school district in Texas has begun a radical new program to deter school shooters, called FIRE — Firearm Imminent Rescue and...

Lottery-winning dropout joins Dem presidential race

FRANKFORT, KY: Two-time mega-lottery winner and high-school dropout Delmar Wellsbach, a former roofer and hunting guide from Kentucky, has entered the crowded race for...

Graphic

           

Tearjerking melee at annual Graphic Design Awards

By Wendy Dimpleman Last weekend, I attended the annual AGAA awards (American Graphic Arts Association) in New York, where some of the nation’s best new...

All Russians in U.S. must wear hammer & sickle patch

WASHINGTON: All citizens and residents of Russian national or ethnic origin in America will be required to wear a patch bearing the hammer-and-sickle icon...

Trump to move entire U.S. State Dept. to Jerusalem

WASHINGTON: Tthe entire U.S. State Dept. will be moved to Jerusalem, following the American-Israeli embassy's relocation there in 2018, the Trump administration announced today. ...

Hacked! Melania and Stormy’s secret email chat

Anonymous has hacked an encrypted email account used by Melania Trump, who began reaching out to Stormy Daniels this past summer, including this exchange...

Pentagon’s new TEARS dept. to manage collateral damage fallout

WASHINGTON: To better manage collateral damage remediation in overseas operations, the Pentagon has created a new Tactical Empathy And Regret Service (TEARS), to be...

All 9/11 “anomalies” accounted for: Earth entered transient Black Hole

WASHINGTON: The National Institute for Standards in Truth (NIST) issued the final update of its 9/11 investigation today, announcing that all anomalies troubling 9/11...

Hillary’s deadly 2020 campaign strategy leaked

WASHINGTON: A disgruntled staffer working on Hillary’s 2020 Campaign says “she’s definitely running again,” but he’s worried about the new campaign theme: Nuke Putin! “She’s...

First successful brain transplant: The banker in the Bronx bro’

NEW YORK: A secretive surgical team at New York’s Mt. Sinai hospital announced the first successful brain transplant today. Kept under wraps until the...

U.S. slaps sanctions on entire world

WASHINGTON: Frustrated with the tedious, piecemeal approach to enforcing American will abroad, the House and Senate have approved a sweeping bill imposing sanctions against...

John Bolton and Max Boot hospitalized after D.C. bar fracas

WASHINGTON: After a grueling day of American Enterprise Institute sessions, John Bolton and Max Boot retired to a bar in D.C.’s Adams Morgan area...

Faulty F-35 jet smashes Eiffel Tower

WASHINGTON: Diplomatic shockwaves rebound after a haywire F-35 flown by the French air force crashed into the Eiffel Tower on Tuesday. The pilot was on...

Sanders and Ocasio-Cortez on ice in Raleigh slammer

RALEIGH, NC: Bernie Sanders and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez are cooling it in a Raleigh, North Carolina jail after trying to enter a Democratic Party “pre-convention” strategy...

Second Coming fail: Jesus wounded by Space Force satellite

Heeding the prayers of a Southern Baptist church worried about the new nuclear arms race, Jesus Christ expedited his return to Earth 48 hours...