The Washington Toast

R. Gordon Dalrymple Here in the palatial editorial penthouse offices of the Toast, ennui and consternation have reigned — fatigue with coronavirus and the infoglut...

DARTMOUTH: A new study by the University of Massachusetts has determined that President Trump scores far worse on intelligence and literacy than most presidents,...

At a folk music festival in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park last weekend, Deirdre Carpenter was manning a Bernie Sanders campaign-sponsored voter registration table with her...

American gun retailers, hard hit in recent years by the absence of a Democratic president threatening to curtail Second Amendment rights, were hoping presidential...

WASHINGTON: Virus czar Mike Pence at a press conference today: “Let’s get one thing straight: the novel coronavirus is, essentially, a socialist pathogen designed...

NEW YORK: Following his poor delegate harvest on Super Tuesday, Michael Bloomberg will begin mailing out $200 checks next week to every registered Democratic...

After a late night stopover in LA following his return from India, Donald Trump was scheduled to fly back to D.C. this morning, but...

Bryan Ferguson was traveling on the I-35 highway near Ardmore, Oklahoma when he witnessed what could have been a prize-winning video — a UFO...

After Chuck Todd identified Bernie Sander’s online supporters as a “digital brownshirt brigade” and Chris Matthews compared Bernie’s surge to Hitler’s 1940 conquest of...

American defense officials are choking on crow as Iranian leaders brag that a USAF “smart” drone has defected to Iran of its own volition,...

NEW YORK: The FBI has released a preliminary report on the sudden death of Jeffrey Epstein in the Metropolitan Correctional Center Saturday morning, concluding...

ALBUQUERQUE, NM: The Democratic National Committee has unilaterally declared a new national holiday, Dia de los Muellertos, to be celebrated every July 24th on...

Following a public spat between their CEOs, Boeing and Lockheed-Martin will face off in a marathon endurance contest billed as the American Air Derby...

TAMPA, FL: A 7-month-old toddler is safe tonight after nearly being swallowed by a 12-ft. alligator, but the child’s naked trans rescuer lost her...

DAYTON, OH: A terminally ill USAF officer has revealed a long sequestered find from the Roswell UFO crash in 1947: allegedly a survey report...

CHAPPAQUA, NY: Rocked by the spotlight on his 26 documented trips aboard billionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein’s private “Lolita Express” jet, Bill Clinton held a...

by Ferdinand Burton I was gasping for breath when the llama gobsmacked me again. Llamas are notorious spitters, and this one had taken a marked...

LAREDO, TX: Nancy Pelosi boldy deployed on the front lines of the immigration non-crisis this morning, personally manning a “Spark of Divinity” taco stand...

MOSCOW: The dramatic hijacking of Air Force One en route to Moscow has been resolved, enabling President Trump to spend his first full day...