The Washington Toast

by R. Gordon Dalrymple Monday, December 14, marked an alignment of auguries unprecedented in human history (I think): as the Electoral College voted to decide...

Ratcheting up the mystery of strange monoliths appearing in Utah, Romania and California recently, a fourth monolith was discovered standing in the nation’s Capitol...

by Wendy Dimpleman After returning from a five-day solo road/hiking trip in the lovely, wireless-less canyonlands of Utah last week, my relatives conspired to stage...

Ft. Lauderdale CPA Harold Danforth survived a near-fatal car crash on November 24, 2000 before lapsing into a vegetative coma for the next 20...

It started when Richard Haalgerd, a third-string point guard for the Milwaukee Bucks, kneeled and raised a clenched fist during the National Anthem before...

In what some historians see as an American replay of the Great Schism that split Christianity between Roman and Byzantine popes, Donald Trump will...

The Oscar-winning actress and beauty/wellness maven will expand her GOOP line  with WOOP for white transracials — Caucasians transitioning to African-American for now, but...

by R. Gordon Dalrymple As my wife Wendy’s graphic above so pointedly communicates, the dung is about to hit the chopper blades after November 3rd,...

by Wendy Dimpleman Geraldine Garza is proudly pregnant, despite not having a womb or any of the plumbing usually necessary to spawn a child. He...

Planet Earth may reach a catastrophic tipping point soon, but it has nothing to do with climate change, according to Hungarian professor of astrophysics...

BELLINGHAM, WA: An award-wining chef has been fired from his job at a 4-star restaurant and dismissed from hosting a popular local TV cooking...

Boston Dynamics announced today that its experimental robotic police force in Ft. Wayne, Indiana has been suspended due to “operational failures.” The test program deployed...

A white male resident of Little Rock, Arkansas has sparked a storm of Twitter condemnation after proposing that racial minorities should not convey themselves...

WILMINGTON, DE: Joe Biden finally made an appearance from his long seclusion last night, but not one his campaign is celebrating. Police responding to...

WASHINGTON, D.C.: Police have taken George and Kellyanne Conway into protective custody after responding to another domestic disturbance call at the D.C. power couple’s...

by Harlin Dongbetter It was another sweltering, Venus-like day in humid Austin, portending another Long Hot Summer, I thought, as hundreds of George Floyd marchers...

R. Gordon Dalrymple Here in the palatial editorial penthouse offices of the Toast, ennui and consternation have reigned — fatigue with coronavirus and the infoglut...

DARTMOUTH: A new study by the University of Massachusetts has determined that President Trump scores far worse on intelligence and literacy than most presidents,...