WASHINGTON: A disgruntled staffer working on Hillary’s 2020 Campaign says “she’s definitely running again,” but he’s worried about the new campaign theme: Nuke Putin!
“She’s really itching for revenge against Putin for stealing the last election, and Putin knows it,” says the staffer. “If she wins, it will come to an immediate high-stakes showdown on inauguration day.”
The staffer, going by the pseudonym Deep Moat, says Hillary is convinced she can ride stoked-up Putin hatred to a Nixonian comeback, but then Putin has to be taken out in a pre-emptive strike before he launches his own pre-emptive strike. She and her national security team have been debating options. “At one point,” he says, “she suggested arranging a summit with Putin and having the CIA hide a gun in the bathroom. She was really, really hot on this option until another staffer pointed out that Putin is a big Coppola fan and likely wise to this set-up.”
“So now it’s gone nuclear,” Deep Moat continued. “She’s already got a special app built for her phone with a button for the launch codes on her home screen. One false move by Putin, he’s toast. Nuclear is really the only way to ensure he doesn’t escape like bin Laden from Tora Bora. We’ll just have to deal with the collateral damage.”
But an even more troubling plan worries the staffer: “This really gets me into Seth Rich territory, but here goes… With the MeToo movement boiling, Bill is a serious liability. It’s either bring him down like Harvey Weinstein, or do what she calls the ‘merciful option’ — send him on a diplomatic mission to Moscow first thing.”
If what we’re thinking is true, the implications are staggering.
“Yep,” says Deep Moat. “Two albatrosses with a single stone.”