Schism! Trump to build duplicate White House at Mar-A-Lago

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In what some historians see as an American replay of the Great Schism that split Christianity between Roman and Byzantine popes, Donald Trump will continue to preside as “acting president” in an exact duplicate of the White House to be rush built on his Mar-A-Lago estate, “hopefully completed by January 20,” when Trump will hold his own inauguration rally to compete with Joe Biden’s “fake inauguration” in Washington.

Trump will hold court in his own private Oval Office, broadcast on his new TrumpTV show, The President in Exile  “a real reality TV show for real Americans!” Every morning over the next four years, an Oath Keepers militia band will play Hail to the Chief as the Red President rises to issue executive orders countering “fake president” Biden’s orders. Trump will continue hiring and firing his own private staff and cabinet, host unofficial state dinners for all dignitaries who choose to attend, give speeches on American holidays, and blast insulting tweets at celebrities and enemies as usual.

“They can steal the election, but they can’t steal the love!” Trump responded to critics. “And most important, they can’t steal the ratings! Even Democrats will get bored with Sleepy Joe and the impala woman and tune in to the President in Exile. I may be Number-two President for now, but not for not long. In 2024, I will demolish the old, rotting White House on the Potomac and move the whole capital to Palm Beach after excommunicating Biden back to his loser digs in Scranton. Meanwhile, enjoy the alternate reality until I’m back in the saddle!”