Monday, July 13, 2020
WASHINGTON: A disgruntled staffer working on Hillary’s 2020 Campaign says “she’s definitely running again,” but he’s worried about the new campaign theme: Nuke Putin! “She’s really itching for revenge against Putin for stealing the last election, and Putin knows it,”...
WASHINGTON: A conspiracy theorist researching the JFK assassination was astounded to learn that the National Archives has lost the infamous “Magic Bullet” that wounded the president and Texas governor John Connally. Known as Warren Commission exhibit CE-399, the deadly...
LONDON: Workers repairing Guildford Castle have discovered an actual razor used by William of Occam — only not for the purposes he is widely known for. The rusty folding razor was unearthed in a pit below a collapsed floor, amidst...
CHAPPAQUA, NY: Rocked by the spotlight on his 26 documented trips aboard billionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein’s private “Lolita Express” jet, Bill Clinton held a press conference today to “come clean” about his role in the scandal. “One thing I learned...
by Harlin Dongbetter A school district in Texas has begun a radical new program to deter school shooters, called FIRE — Firearm Imminent Rescue and Escape. Every classroom in the district will be equipped with a Glock 9mm pistol in...
ALBUQUERQUE, NM: The Democratic National Committee has unilaterally declared a new national holiday, Dia de los Muellertos, to be celebrated every July 24th on the anniversary of counsel Robert Mueller’s disappointing testimony before congress. Although Robert Mueller is still clinically...
DARTMOUTH: A new study by the University of Massachusetts has determined that President Trump scores far worse on intelligence and literacy than most presidents, exceeding them only in the size of his ego. Jointly conducted by the departments of...
WASHINGTON: Virus czar Mike Pence at a press conference today: “Let’s get one thing straight: the novel coronavirus is, essentially, a socialist pathogen designed to wreak havoc on our economy. It was obviously laser targeted on the stock market....

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