Saturday, August 17, 2019
Anonymous has hacked an encrypted email account used by Melania Trump, who began reaching out to Stormy Daniels this past summer, including this exchange in August: MELANIA: Have you thought about it? STORMY: Yes. But I don’t think I can do...
DAYTON, OH: A prominent local businessman’s funeral was all but canceled by a disturbing phone message during his service on Sunday. Gerald Hornfetter, owner of several car washes and a tax preparation franchise in the Dayton area, was killed...
TRENTON, NJ: Chris Christie was swallowed whole by a giant python over the weekend, but managed to self-rescue for poetic comeuppance. The former New Jersey governor was sunbathing in the backyard of his Mendham home when the 17-ft. long snake,...
PARIS: A French submarine repairing a sea-bed communications cable linking Oman and Pakistan stumbled upon a grisly find last week — the decayed head of Osama bin Laden. Egyptian crewmen aboard noted a ragged fringe of beard on the jawbone,...
The music industry has been rocked by the revelation that 92% of hip-hop songs in the last five years have used the exact same lyrics — or what has passed for lyrics. The discovery was made by Byron Pflugerblatt, a...
KATHMANDU: The annual death toll on Mt. Everest took a freakish twist yesterday after a brawl broke out in the long queue before the Hillary Step bottleneck, triggering a cascade of climbers down the steep slope. Shingaloo Sherpa, a Nepalese...
TAMPA, FL: A 7-month-old toddler is safe tonight after nearly being swallowed by a 12-ft. alligator, but the child’s naked trans rescuer lost her own life afterwards in a freak accident. As Hurricane Hector closed in on the west Florida...
LAREDO, TX: Nancy Pelosi boldy deployed on the front lines of the immigration non-crisis this morning, personally manning a “Spark of Divinity” taco stand at the Mexican border in Laredo, Texas. Julían Castro and Beto O’Rourke worked the smoky...
LOS ANGELES: Recently resigned EPA chief Scott Pruitt is still marooned in the LaBrea tar pits after three days perched on the roof of his car in record broiling temperatures. Pruitt was in L.A. for an Arctic oil drillers convention....
WASHINGTON: Diplomatic shockwaves rebound after a haywire F-35 flown by the French air force crashed into the Eiffel Tower on Tuesday. The pilot was on a routine NATO exercise southwest of Paris when the plane spontaneously ejected him and darted...

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