New national holiday: Dia de los Muellertos

Dia de los Muellertos

ALBUQUERQUE, NM: The Democratic National Committee has unilaterally declared a new national holiday, Dia de los Muellertos, to be celebrated every July 24th on the anniversary of counsel Robert Mueller’s disappointing testimony before congress.

Although Robert Mueller is still clinically alive, his soul died that day, along with his two-year Russiagate probe and any realistic hope of impeaching Donald Trump. But that’s not deterring High Priestess Rachel Maddow, who will lead the annual festival in Albuquerque, along with senior acolytes Adam Schiff and John Brennan. All Democrats, independents, responsible Republicans and other concerned Americans are invited to mourn and celebrate as Muellertos, or Muelleristas, until Donald Trump is finally removed from office.

The festivities will include mariachi bands, fireworks, parades with decorative effigies of Saint Mueller, and piñatas of Donald Trump for the children to whack — broken open, they will spill a bounty of candy, cheeseburger sliders, and hammer-and-cycle pendants within a confetti of IOU slips.

Although still visibly shaken by the implosion of Russiagate and her ratings, Ms. Maddow nevertheless tried to strike a positive note: “Like Veteran’s Day, it’s kind of sad, but the real purpose is look forward with hope and optimism as we all pray for the Second Coming of Mueller.”