Wednesday, May 12, 2021
WASHINGTON: A disgruntled staffer working on Hillary’s 2020 Campaign says “she’s definitely running again,” but he’s worried about the new campaign theme: Nuke Putin! “She’s really itching for revenge against Putin for stealing the last election, and Putin knows it,”...
WASHINGTON: A conspiracy theorist researching the JFK assassination was astounded to learn that the National Archives has lost the infamous “Magic Bullet” that wounded the president and Texas governor John Connally. Known as Warren Commission exhibit CE-399, the deadly...
LONDON: Workers repairing Guildford Castle have discovered an actual razor used by William of Occam — only not for the purposes he is widely known for. The rusty folding razor was unearthed in a pit below a collapsed floor, amidst...
ALBUQUERQUE, NM: The Democratic National Committee has unilaterally declared a new national holiday, Dia de los Muellertos, to be celebrated every July 24th on the anniversary of counsel Robert Mueller’s disappointing testimony before congress. Although Robert Mueller is still clinically...
CHAPPAQUA, NY: Rocked by the spotlight on his 26 documented trips aboard billionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein’s private “Lolita Express” jet, Bill Clinton held a press conference today to “come clean” about his role in the scandal. “One thing I learned...
by Harlin Dongbetter A school district in Texas has begun a radical new program to deter school shooters, called FIRE — Firearm Imminent Rescue and Escape. Every classroom in the district will be equipped with a Glock 9mm pistol in...
DARTMOUTH: A new study by the University of Massachusetts has determined that President Trump scores far worse on intelligence and literacy than most presidents, exceeding them only in the size of his ego. Jointly conducted by the departments of...
BELLINGHAM, WA: An award-wining chef has been fired from his job at a 4-star restaurant and dismissed from hosting a popular local TV cooking show after perpetrating a racist soup recipe. For an episode of his show, chef Daniel Troutwater,...
WASHINGTON: Virus czar Mike Pence at a press conference today: “Let’s get one thing straight: the novel coronavirus is, essentially, a socialist pathogen designed to wreak havoc on our economy. It was obviously laser targeted on the stock market....
Ft. Lauderdale CPA Harold Danforth survived a near-fatal car crash on November 24, 2000 before lapsing into a vegetative coma for the next 20 years. Last Sunday, caretakers were shocked to see him miraculously coming out of the coma. Family...

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