Scott Pruitt still stuck in LaBrea tar pit

LOS ANGELES: Recently resigned EPA chief Scott Pruitt is still marooned in the LaBrea tar pits after three days perched on the roof of his car in record broiling temperatures.

Pruitt was in L.A. for an Arctic oil drillers convention. On Wednesady, his Bentley Flying Spur spun out of control at high speed on Wilshire Blvd., plowing through the LaBrea perimeter fence and into the center of the largest pit. So far, neither the LA fire department nor other rescue organizations have been willing to risk their lives to extract him.

Pruitt at first tried calling for a Marine chopper, but dropped his phone in the muck. It is now stuck fast to his cheek with a clogged mike. “I think my severance plan will cover the choppper!” he yelled to a large crowd of onlookers. “Somebody get me a flight out of here!”

LaBrea Museum director Octavio Soliz says, “We’ll continue feeding him with throw lines until volunteers can be found for the rescue, but we’re really in no big hurry. He’s become a big draw — lines three blocks long to get in. We just have to keep spectators from throwing crap at him. Pens, eggs and toxic water balloons are the most popular projectiles.”

One visitor summed up the generally gleeful mood: “He’s really at home here. All we need now is feathers.”